Ninja Assassin

Rating: R

Movie Release Date: November 28, 2009

DVD Release Date: TBD

Plot 411: A secret ninja clan has worked for hundreds of years as assassins but their identity is compromised when a student rebels and leaves the family.

Review: I don't know whether I should be ashamed that studios are making this kind of crap or appalled at how much I enjoyed it. The film was utter nonsense in every aspect. The plot was hanging on by a thread. The acting was atrocious. Rain will not be the next huge Asian crossover, unless you're strictly talking about being a body double. He does have a fine body. The Mr. Miyagi-like stereotype of the ninja sensei was out in full force (his accent was really horrible). They even had the ninja running in the stereotypical way - one arm sort of bent in front of them and the other arm outstretched to the side or behind and gripping a sword. Oh puhlease! The CGI was laughable, especially all the blood splatter. The scene transitions and dialogue were cheesy and some of the camera angles were obviously trying to heighten the action. Just about everything in this movie was simply bad. Yet somehow, despite all of this, I found myself totally into it. It's like when you're passing a car accident and can't turn away. That's what it felt like. There were some rather badass kill scenes with a lot of blood and guts littering the set. However, it had a video game feel to it and didn't really look or feel real. I laughed at "serious" plot developments and was not surprised by the plot twists. Nothing about this movie is subtle. I'm pretty sure this movie didn't take itself too seriously so the audience shouldn't either. It's like a remake of those horrible '70s or '80s ninja/kung fu movies that has been updated with today's technology in a bad way. As a side note, I cannot believe Naomie Harris, the actress who plays Tia Dalma in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, is the main female character in this one. Amazing what hair, makeup and costumes can do!

Watch It: On a Friday night with a bunch of friends in a packed (if that's even possible) theater. Sit back and eat your popcorn.

Skip It: If you're looking for an authentic ninja experience. This is a B-movie wannabe that only achieves a D-movie rating.